I was destined to have Sophie. A little less than 4 years ago, I saw an Ad at a local Park N Shop of someone giving up a Labrador Retriever for adoption. I tore the ad down and took it home. Whilst we walked home, I told Rudi, I want to name her Sophie. Bright and early the next day, I called the number and asked the owners if she was still available. She was.. and I asked Chris, what is her name and he said SuQi. Like the Taiwanese actress. SuQi/ Sophie. Easy enough for me to tweak.

Anyways, it's been good having Sophie around. She makes me laugh so much. There are days I actually wonder, how much of what we say she'd actually understand... Thank god she can't talk, or else she would be leaking a lot of our secrets to our friends...Happy birthday Sophie.

It seems to me that the more educated we are, the more nourishment we receive, the better groomed we are, we become more and more reliant on what I call the SOP on life. Standard of Procedures. Oh god, I get so fucking annoyed when I talk about this...

Let me quote you an example, it was late one evening, I wanted to buy this traditional Chinese biscuit from this particular pastry shop down in Central. The boss said to me, I only have 5 egg tarts left, do you want it miss? I felt sorry for the old man and I said yes. He put it in a plastic bag for me and I was like, what are you doing? Can't you give me a box? He said, we only give you a box if you buy six...... Number 1 - you had 5 fucking eggtarts left wor, I can't like shit an extra one right.

Really, you must be shitting me right and plus the fact, I had no intentions to buy egg-fucking tarts in the first place. I pitied the guy and he couldn't even give me a fucking box. What kind of rule is that? Due to his obstinate ways of not relenting over a fucking box, this man I can tell you ended my relationship with his biscuits...FOR GOOD...

I don't know about you; I remembered a time when people went the extra mile to make someone else happy. There was this old sundry shop grandma used to buy rice from. The shop lady would always give me some candies when I visited. It was such a small act of gesture on her end that resulted to a lifelong revenue stream from grandma up until the time of her demise. So Why the fucking hell did we become so fucking robotic?

A few months ago, I read with a fair amount of disbelief a story about a nurse at the emergency ward not attending to a man lying outside the hospital who was then suffering from a heart attack. The excuse - not within standard of procedure. The man must make a call through 999... Harlow??? Who the fuck created this standard of procedure, I don't know...

Is it our flawed education system that numbed our brains? Is it because we are so contended with mediocracy that we just come to work and leave work feeling indifferent about anything? How come there are so many people living on earth and yet not even 10% of them are making a difference to the world? No one dares to correct anyone when things go wrong. No one dares to say, fuck you standard of procedures. Ya right, just blame it all on the system la. Afterall we all die right....

It's been so long since I blogged that I forgot what my password was... Looking back at my last post made a few days before my operation. It's a bit hard summarizing what I have been up to in the last two and a half months.

The world famous Dragon's Back..

My god daughter Moochie. Steph got her from HK Dog Rescue

Sophie likes her new godsister already..

At twilight..

So this is how the Dragon's back look like...

Me, Ruby and Steph

Zuzi sent me a picture of her baby. Frankly I can't see anything. It looked a little like an abstract piece of art to me. Oh my god, how does something so abstract looking be a human? When my grandma passed away about two years ago, my dad told me not to feel that because grandma's cycle of life has been completed. She has continue to live on in all of us.. It makes me so sad yet it's so true.

I have been terrible at blogging. I have been part busy, part lazy and part troubled.. I confirmed the date of my surgery two days ago and I am set to go in to remove my thyroid glands on the 6th of June. On one hand I can't wait to get over it and on the other, I am a little paranoid about having cut up and stitched back.

Gerard and Peggy

Everybody wants a Sophie kinda of handshake. It's a hard job being popular

Group photo. One for memory sake

The hot ladies I work with

I secretly believe that my mother has obsessive compulsive disorder. I don't know anyone who checks 5 times prior to going to bed just to ensure the front door is locked. You know that song we used to sing in kindergarten about looking right and left and right again before you cross the road? Well my mother does that in multiples every time she crosses the road.

I'd to believe that all babies are born clean, innocent and unburdened by all the miseries of the world - well until our parents fucked us up with their issues. If we take a look at the criminal profiling of ALL serial killers ever recorded in history - Ted Bundy, BTK, Charles Manson - they all share one thing in common. Fucked up parents.. Can you believe it? Till he was about a teenager, Ted Bundy thought his grandmother was his biological mother and his sister was actually his real mum!

In the last 48 hours, two people have told me that they are parents in waiting. First, my lovely friend Zuzi told me yesterday morning that she is three months along and she will be having the baby in HK. Congratulations Zuzi!! I am so happy for you and Mark and just this morning Juls told me he is going to be a first time dad.

Seriously because I am at the age whereby all my friends are either parents or have plans to be parent. For me, I think about if I ever became a mother, what values will I teach my children

To be honest; I have been having this argument with people about raising children. In a world like today, is there seriously a wholesome place where kids just focus on just being kids? Or by the time they are born, are they already thrown into this vicious societal cycle where merits are placed on how well they do in school, how good they are at sports, if they will marry well, or if they will be a successful investment banker with a lucrative career at Goldman? Does it sound cliche if I say, if I ever became a mum. I just my kids to enjoy whatever stage of life they are at, think independently and not worried about being part of the system.

If only there is some kind of scanning system in place to check if people are suitable candidates to be parents, I am sure this will eliminate half the fucked ups in the world. The world would definitely be prettier and there would be more Sumatran tigers left in the wild. That would be really nice.

A few days ago, it was Easter and I don't know why but during every single public holiday, Discovery Bay ( where I live) is just infested with uncivilised people. I thought it's pretty well known in HK that DB stands for Dogs and Babies. I was queuing up to draw out some cash and this mother was pointing at Sophie and telling her son, " Be careful of the big dog, if you are naughty, the dog will bite you"

A sudden flash of anger and insanity ( Yes, I have a fucking crazy gene embedded in my system) came over me and I said to her, " Stupid woman, it is parents like you who fucked children up". I do feel a bit bad for saying it in front of her kid but look at my Sophie. She is so docile and tell me, does she look like a killer dog to you? I don't think so.. It's a real fucked up world.

This is the current window display at Joyce. I love it so much because it sort of encapsulates my goal for this year. At the start of 2009, I want to do everything and I want to pack as much as possible in a day's time. Four months down the road, I am wondering if I had taken too big of a bite in terms of keeping myself busy. I was thinking a few nights ago on the way back to Discovery Bay - have I committed myself too much over the next few months?

Here are the list of things I have to do from now till June

1.) DragonBoating - Last Sunday after practice, my back was as sore as fuck. I have been rowing for five weeks on my right side and for the first time I rowed on the left side. Whilst I was at it, it wasn't too bad but that night but it totally killed me on Monday morning. Rudi had said to me, I don't think team sports is your thing because you don't like to do things in groups. I am discovering a side of myself that I haven't seen before. In a way he is right. In a way, I want to give it a go. I puked last week on the boat and seriously I felt bad for days because I felt that I let my team mates down. Team sports is a very unfamiliar concept to me because it's 18 people working towards a goal and plus what they always say - a chain is only as strong as the weakest link and sometimes I do feel like the weakest link - my stride isn't the longest, my speed isn't the fastest and I am fucking incoherent at times but I want to try as hard as I can. I really hope that on race day - this 28th of May. I can look back with on this and say, it's all worth it. Pray!!!

2.) Furniture hunting -one month into the renovation. I really really love buying furniture. I finally feel like a fucking adult to be not buying crap from Ikea. I am investing in actual quality furniture that I hope to someday pass to my children as heirlooms. Haha! Right now with bad times, it's really a buyers' market and I am tough negotiator. I got this freaking awesome lights at 60%. I love it but again time consuming.

3.) Moving back in. After the hassle of shoving everything in the boxes, it's time to unpack them again - Timeline - Mid May. Moving is back breaking and slimming! For those who want to shed off some extra pounds, I won't mind a volunteer or two. I will give you a complimentary stretch session after the big move :)

4.) Beijing - I need to go to Beijing for work. I love Beijing so I am definitely looking forward to it. Can't wait to catch up with my friends there as well. And I so want to visit the Forbidden City again because the last time I went last year, a lot of areas were still being restored.

5.) I have been taking medication to treat hyperthyrodism for about two years now, I don't like to talk about it because I don't like to be treated differently. A few months ago, my doctor said the medication hasn't been working very well on me and my condition is a bit too evasive for regular treatment. I have to remove 80% of my thyroid glands. Fuck, fuck, fuck... I am absolutely paranoid about cutting, slicing, blood inducing procedures but what to, you just have to deal with it. Timeline - early June.

On the flipside - after my surgery, I have to take about 3 weeks to a month off depending on my recovery speed. I can really do up the house.

In my line of work, more often than not, I am required to talk to people I don't know.And I am pretty good at it because I bullshit loads. I am a serious A Grade Bullshitter. I called my mum yesterday because, I was feeling kind of guilty as I have not spoken to her in a month.

The conversation lasted 1 min 37 seconds. Have you ever wondered why it's so difficult to talk to people who mean the most to you? I asked her, " Is everything okie?" three fucking times and after the second time, I felt like a broken record. After the conversation, I was feeling absolutely gutted because a realisation tanked on me. My mum is 59 years old this year and I just realised that I was hardly around during the most of my adult life.

I have to try harder to incorporate her in my life but I don't know where to start. The thing is, I know she loves me loads and I have acknowledged that she might not have the best ways of doing so. In a way, I am sick of complaining and since I have an action plan for most things, I am more than ready to adopt a new method of communication.

Instead of leaving it to her to tell me things. I am going to start by telling her things about myself. I am going to tell her stories about the people in my life, the situations I encounter, shit that bother me. I am not going to edit anything and I will leave it to her to judge whether she could digest some things that are not easy for parents to know about their childhood. I don't know sometimes I feel that I need to shelter my inner feelings from my mother because I don't want her to worry about me. I don't know but something tells me my mother is stronger than I give her credit for. Well, we have to start from somewhere don't we. I hate having to think; what if she dies, I do not want to wait till it is too late to regret.

For starters, I am going to chat with her once a week and if things ever get too difficult, I'd pass the phone to Rudi.

Lately, I have been feeling down. I can't seem to find the root-cause to my numerous dissatisfactions so I am going to change the way I feel by changing the way I think. I want to constantly remind myself that, I have things to be grateful for and it starts with

1.) Rudi. It's true we can't choose our family; the ones that related to us by blood but finding our other halves give us the chance to start a family with the people we actually like. I am not going to start with the in-laws.

2.) The relationships I have with my brothers. When I was younger, I used to fight loads with my brothers especially William. We even fist fight until he started towering over me at 5'11. Now if I fist fight with him, I am gravely inviting death. We chat so much on MSN these days and it gives me a wonderful insight to how he really is and we even share things about the family, like secrets that only family members should know. That really keeps my sanity intact because trust me, we have a lot of family politics. Looking back at our childhood, I am really glad that all of us turned out ok. We do have a fair amount of fuck-ups in the family. Kinda nice knowing we didn't contribute to that statistic.

3.) My health - I am so happy to say that physical challenges no longer scare me. Less than 2 years ago, I was in a state whereby I was really embarrassed because even if I walk up a short flight of stairs, I'd go huffing and puffing. But now, I can run an hour without stopping for a brisk walk. It feels nice to be comfortable in my own skin.

4.) I have a job. Where I was in Mongkok the other day, I was walking along Nathan Road and I saw at least four people picking leftovers from thrash cans. Growing older might make me feel less sensitive towards a lot of things but one thing I still hate seeing are homeless people. I thought of the time when I was three, I went to the temple with my Popo and I saw a beggar and I asked Popo to lend me a dollar so that I can give it to him. That part of me never changed. It is just really sad to see that as this recession prolongs, many people especially those who do manual labor are going to find themselves more susceptible to losing their livelihood. Working is not just about the money, working is dignity and dignity is the fundamental human right.

5.) I have great friends. I can't think of a reason of living better than sharing it with the people who love me unconditionally. Can you imagine, you love your family because you have no choice but to. But when it comes to your friends. It takes a lot to love someone who is entirely unrelated to you.

6.) My self-awareness. The nicest complement anyone has ever given me was that," I am blessed. I asked him why and he said, You are blessed because not only you are intelligent but you have a high degree of self awareness. Thank you Taffy. That is the nicest thing anyone has ever said about me.

7.) Sophie. I know it's a dog but she is family. It's nice to have someone/ something you love so much because we all question what we live for on some days.

8.) I have nothing else to prove. When I was younger, I felt a pressing need to prove something. I need to prove to the world my abilities, demonstrate my strengths and a lot of it were just ego talk. Right now, I am just living at my own pace and I stopped caring about how many people I am pleasing.

9.) In the last 30 years, I have never known hunger, I have never known desperation and destitution, I have never been harmed; physically or emotionally. I have never been robbed, the innocence of childhood, never been deprived from privileges and never been abused nor used. If those are not good reasons to be happy - I would be one fucking ungrateful bitch.

You know what I can't stand, people who complain about stuff and never seemed to do anything about it. Shit like, I am so fat, I only eat so little but I am still fat. When you tell them to exercise, they make a face and tell you, exercising is so san foo ( so difficult) I cannot work out this calculation, everything comes with a price right? You abuse and use your body the wrong way, it is definitely going to show.

Recently, I sent an e-mail to this friend of mine who is still living in Malaysia. I told him very politely to please stop sending me forwards about political injustices that are happening in Malaysia because you know what, I don't give a flying fuck about who is shitting who. To be very honest, other than the fact that I was born in Malaysia, I speak like one and it is where all my family and oldest friends are, there is nothing quite Malaysian about me. And guess what, today when I opened my mail box, again there were three e-mails about Anwar Ibrahim, Najib bombing his mistress. I am exasperated. I guess this leaves me with no choice but to block all of his e-mails.

Malaysians especially the minorities like the Chinese and the Indians are the biggest whiners I know. Seriously guys, if you can't live with the system, make your peace and get on with it. There are places in the world you can go to; where the color of your skin will not matter and you are judged solely on your merits.

I have perpetuated with theme of childhood recently. Been reading the book The Life and Times of the Thunderbolt Kid by Bill Bryson and last Saturday Rudi and I went to watch Slumdog Millionaire.

At the start of The Life and Times of the Thunderbolt Kid, Bryson said " Growing up was easy. It required no thought or effort on my part. It was going to happen anyway". I had the best childhood. I think I grew up at the time when kids were still wholesome and we played a whole lot without thinking much ambitions or succeeding. Whilst we were packing up to leave our apartment, we found Michael Jackson's History in our stack of dust filled CDs.

I love Michael. He made me fall in love with music and he made me experimented with dangerous dance moves - such as moonwalking on slippery floors, crotch grabbing actions that made my parents sick with worry. It's a fact that Thriller was and is the best selling album of all time. Why is that? I think between Rudi and I - we owned at least 6 copies between ourselves. We listened to Beat It, Billie Jean endlessly; again and again till the tape broke.

Last week, Michael made an announcement that he will be staging his last concert tour - The Final Curtain. It is hard to believe that my childhood idol is now 50 years old. I really hope that he will come to HK. I'd pay any amount of money just to be able to watch him again. No matter how ridiculous!

I know that Michael is probably most famous for songs like Thriller, Beat It, Billie Jean and Smooth Criminal but personally for myself, my all time favorite song from Michael is Man in the Mirror taken from the album Bad. The album came out in 1987 and it was a year after my parents separated. Looking back it was probably one of the saddest times of my life and the lyrics had such profound meaning to me...


I'm Starting With The Man InThe Mirror
I'm Asking Him To Change His Ways
And No Message Could HaveBeen Any Clearer
If You Wanna Make
The WorldA Better Place
(If You Wanna Make TheWorld A Better Place)
Take A Look At Yourself, AndThen Make A Change
(Take A Look At Yourself, AndThen Make A Change
I've Been A Victim Of A SelfishKind Of Love
It's Time That I Realize
That There Are Some With NoHome,
Not A Nickel To LoanCould It Be Really Me,
Pretending That They're Not Alone?


Man in the mirror is simply timeless and if only we have more classic songs like these. Michael you may have fucked up to a certain extend but thanks for being there for me. I love you.

Anyways people if you want to take a trip down memory lane and laugh about some serious shit you used to do while you were a kid, I'd recommend you to read The Life and Times of the Thunderbolt Kid.

How funny is that?

I have been thinking a lot of about people and the values that we were taught as children. Isn't it funny that people nowadays have so much yet are so empty inside? Well I think I have told you all repeatedly that we are now renovating our flat and we are getting rid of all the old stuff. Last weekend, Rudi told me he was giving away his old sound system to his colleague who has recently moved and doesn't have a system at his new place.

He came to pick it up and after that we went for coffee. When we sat down I was a bit surprised, Rudi had to ask me what I wanted to drink. The thing is we just gave this little fucker a sound system, don't you think that taking into consideration the basic laws of being a human ( or perhaps a socially functional being) he would at least have the courtesy to ask a lady what she wanted to drink? The deal is not the coffee, a 30 dollar coffee will not make me richer or poorer, I care about the display of gratitude. I care about appreciation.

I wonder why these people exist, you know what I mean. Did their parents teach them to take take take and not give? My grandfather always tell me, you can be stingy to yourself but you should never stinged on people around you. My grandfather has long expired but I bring his values to the way I choose to live my life now. And I am thankful for his wise words because I can never to bring myself to live myself under such state of oblivion. I wonder what kind of friends these people make and can anyone be friends with people like that? Sick...

And you know what.. Rudi just told me that he is coming back again this week for our keyboard. Baby, no! I am NOT giving it to him. I'd rather donate it to a beggar at least, I'd get a thank you..

Consider this a belated Valentine's Day tribute. I have been shit busy with the renovation and I recently took Kath's great advice to sell my used furniture through a local community forum. I can't believe it, people actually buy second hand furniture. I get a bit eeekked with used things because I always think about where they have been. Thanks to my overly vivid imagination la.

We didn't do much on Valentine's Day, we just had dinner at home and a bottle of wine. Everywhere we looked that day we saw couples holding big bouquet of roses and gifts and eating dessert together. How lovey dovey. I talk to Ruby loads about life's general topics and just before V-day, we had this conversation about the type of relationships we have. Yes, it's old, yes there is no more adrenaline and that anticipation of a first date has long eluded me. Do I miss it? Sometimes but seriously I have so much to be grateful for.

I am an old soul. When I was 18, when I finally thought I could conduct an adult conversation with my dad, I had asked him, why didn't it worked out between mum and him. His answer was just, never marry someone you can't talk to. It's so damn true. As much I might have fucking hated him during my angry, Nirvana head banging days, I cannot deny that my parents were absolutely miserable for one another. On their own, they are inherently good people with good hearts but they brought out the worst in one another. I wondered for a long time, how it all started? Was the lust that irressistable? I have to admit my mother had the best fuck-me-legs and luscious jet black hair but still..........

People like Christina, Ruby, Joyce, I really consider them my best friends. They make me feel as though I can be whoever and whatever and I don't care.. It's like this with Rudi too. We poke fun of each other, we tell each other off all the time and we are just friends talking about everything. The older I am, I have come to accept that, at the end of the day; you just need that fun factor that help gets you through the day.

Again in all honesty, I really do believe that he loves me loads. Looking back at my old pictures during my fat days, even I find it so hard to love myself la. Hahaha!!!

So here' s to my best friend and I do not need February the fucking fourteen for me to tell you how much I love you. I feel that god made you just for me and besides my dad did say, when you take daughter, there is absolutely no refund!

Exhibit A : Reference picture from Designer

Exhibit B: Straight out of an IKEA catalogue

I am so in love. It's been so long since I feel this way. The last time I felt this way about a certain band or music must have been when Clazziquai broke into the scene with that song Romeo & Juliet and The Last Tango.

I walked deliberately to HMV today during lunch time and emptied the space containing all of their CDs. My Ipod has been since this morning been playing and replaying to the song Fightless Bird American Mouth.. I love it sooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo. What a fucking amazing song. It was on the soundtrack of Twilight and that was how I found it. Oh right over the past one month, I have read and obssessed over the Twilight Series like a born again Christian.


Okie now back to the reason for my obssession. People please please check out Iron & Wine. It is so good. It's easy to listen, mellow, has really good rhythm and I am so taken with that certain dreamy quality to it...