I think it was April's birthday a few years ago that I said - When it is my turn turning 30, I think I will cry on the night of my birthday. * Gasp**

Fast forward to a few years later to present day- approximately four months before I turn 30, I surprise myself more and more at how at ease I am of the idea of turning 3-0 ( hopefully when I turn 40 I will have the same type of feeling)

Joyce asked me yesterday what how I see myself as a 30 year woman. My answer - A confident woman who is not out to please anyone and someone who feels good from within. I am glad to turn 30, my 20 something was very difficult. I was egoistic and constantly seeking to impress. I spoke before thinking about consequences and I hated how I only want to see things from my perspectives. Along the way, I lost a lot of friends- those who survived - thank you la for taking my shit when you don't have to.

When I was 26 I moved to Hong Kong, again it was so hard - starting from stratch, I didn't know anyone and I wondered why HK people are so rude and inconsiderate. I absolutely didn't understand the culture - I didn't understand why it had been a British colony for 15X years and no one really spoke English, I hated how no one bothered holding doors for you and yet I loved HK to the core. The pressure and the bloody competition. The fact that they start selling winter wear at the end tail of summer. Nothing is forever in HK. For the first time in my life, I feel that I am competing based on merits and not the fact that I am Chinese and I am not pee-ved over favoritism.

After being in HK for so long, I find myself changed - I speak to my friends and family back home in Malaysia and maybe it's not fair for me to say this but Malaysia has turned into a sad place. I actually feel fear when I walk on the streets ( after countless warnings from mum about snatch thieves/ kidnappers) I don't know how kids are growing up in Malaysia but during my childhood, it was a wholesome place to raise a family. I remembered climbing over my neighbour's house to pluck rambutans ( for some strange reason the house next door was always vacant, rumour has it that it is haunted ), BBQing my dad's koi fish ( my brother's suggestion), cycling around the neighbourhood and playing badminton with my brothers. It wasn't always easy but I was a happy child.

Something happened during my teenage years - I think it was called the Kurt Cobain, teenage angst, melancholic/ father hating/ mother blaming era descended. Looking back everyone had the same story, my parents loved me yet they don't know how to love me. All this anger I channel it into my music/ art/ writing poems about morbidity and everyone wanted to line their eyes with black eyeliner. When Kurt pulled the trigger to his head, I thought normality would be restored but apparently till now I still know of people who are stuck at grundge mode.


I have been thinking a lot of about the next decade of my life and here is my summary of it so far

1.) The reason why I refuse to be on facebook is because people who are near and dear to my heart, I keep in touch with them, the ones I don't want to are out there on-line somewhere la

2.) Jimmy Choos and Manolo Blahniks are shoes for display only and not for women to strut around Central in. Wear comfortable shoes or risk blisters or very fucked up looking toes. I have two, you want to see?

3.) Invest in quality clothes - you seriously do not need a lot of clothes, you just need clothes that are you

4.) Brand Natalie - I am proud to say, when I go shopping with my friends, they can point things out and say - Nat this is so you! Thank you ah!

5.) Work out - not to just be thin or anything. There is nothing more satisfying than having a body that continues to surprise you in many ways.

6.) Eat better - When you work out, you try to eat better. When they say; you are what you eat, you are as well what you do not eat.

7.) Love what you do - I think this is one of the most important things. The older I get, the more certain I am of passion will at the end triumphant over the need of making money. It would be great to be able to combine both but at the end of the day, I have realised that, being happy is so much more rewarding. This hedge fund manager I know, took home USD 3 million dollars last year but however from Mondays to Thursdays, she doesn't sleep soundly. Her mind is constantly about trading. I'd love to have the type of money she makes but I love myself too much

8.) Think before you speak. I used to have such a fiery temper and a quick mouth - I can't tell you how many friends I have lost because of shit that have came out of my mouth. Now, I prefer to bite my tongue for 10 seconds before I speak or else, just develop - selective hearing.

9.) Be business savvy - by the time you're 30, you want to think about how to maximise your earnings and you need to know how to work on your finances. I have to thank my man for that because if it wasn't for him; I won't understand the importance of investments.

10.) Read because when you don't read, your soul has no depth.